Your child is screaming to gain access to something they want. Sound familiar?
For many of us, this is a daily occurrence. It can be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. As a parent you would love to stop the screaming, so it is easy to give the child what they want because it makes them stop. Think about when you see someone in a candy store with their 5 year old. The 5 year old sees their favorite candy on the way out and grabs it in hopes that the parent buys it. So many parents just buy the candy because it is easy. It is not to expensive, it isn't too big and what's the big deal!
Sounding like something you have seen. Maybe that person is you. Regardless, it has happened to all of us at least.....once. After reading this scenario, you begin to think, I would never do this. I would just tell my child no. It is easier said then done!
So how do we get our child to learn that they can not always get what they want. Lets start with the same scenario. When taking your child into the store, it is great to set some ground rules.
For example:
You want to go in to grab a couple of items and you tell your child if they are good they may pick one treat. Make sure to define what 'good' means. This may look something like this:
Good Behaviour = no screaming, no crying or whining and staying beside parent at all times in the store = candy of choice
Bad behaviour = screaming, whining, crying, not staying with parent = no candy
By setting boundaries, you provide your child an understanding of what behaviour you expect. Even if your child does not understand the boundaries, it reminds you of what you expect from your child.
This sounds easy right? Wrong. The reason being is that now you go directly to the store and your child starts screaming because they want those cool looking crayons that are in the isle. They keep screaming and you decide you are not going to give in to the screaming. Strangers that do not know anything about your, begin to look at you. The stares become more evident and you feel as though you need to get your child to stop screaming because you do not want them to think that you have some 'spoiled' kid who can't control themselves. You want to run out of the store and hope to never see these people again. Remember, these individuals have likely gone through exactly the same as you.
If you are caught in this situation, take a deep breath, know that you can do this. If you can, pay for the items you went in there for,(without the item your child was screaming for), and walk directly out of the store, with your child and ignore the behaviour. By walking out of the store, your child's behaviour may escalate. This is very common. By ignoring the screaming you are trying to extinguish the behaviour you do not want to see. Do not provide any attention to the behaviour. Keep your child safe at all times, but do NOT talk to them at this time. Once your child calms down, move on. If you stick to the same strategy, your child will begin to learn that screaming does not end in a reward.
If your child is non-verbal, has Autism or other Communication Delay try using a visual. The visual can look simple such as the following.
Stay tuned for more......
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